The Day Before...

Gosh. I always hate the day before I fly back to KL. It makes me feel so..so...what's the word... nostalgic? (sigh)

Maybe 5 weeks is a bit too long.
Because I have grown accustomed to the presence of my family, the comfort of home, the familiarity of my hometown, the stress-free environment....
Going back it's a180 degree difference...the psychological and emotional adjustments I will have to make....like I already know that the coming semester will just be unbearable....

Gosh. I hate this feeling. Maybe I shouldn't come back for such a long time next time. It just makes leaving harder.....

Random Things

1. Just turned 21
2. I'm back in KK until after Christmas
3. PURPLE rocks.XD
4. Coffee Bean - love the combination of chocolate and coffee.....
5. Helping out in Youth Camp have kinda set my biological clock straight again??? haha
6. Harvest Moon is the best game ever invented....muahahaha.....
7. Alchohol makes me sleepy... or maybe I was already tired in the first place...hmm...
8. Haven't started to do that assignment which I'm supposed to do, it's hidden at the most back of my closet (figuratively)
9. Going to Penang on Friday....lalala....

what else??? can't remember... will add when I remember

C+

And so she got a C+ for family law. Big deal.

Feelings? She's not really sure. A C+ is, after all not a lot of things. It's not the B- (at least) she was hoping for, neither is it the A- someone else got. Granted, she knew she made a sorta, kinda minor big mistake in the compulsary question. It's not a good grade to get when you're planning to keep your pointer above 3.0.

Then again, a C+ is also a lot of things. It's better than a C. It's a 2.3. And it is most definitely A PASS.

She passed. I passed. cheers? =D?

Red Light Alert: Emo Post....again....

Heh…just thought I’d blog, since it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything constructive, and whenever I write I’m sure to be emo-ing about something or other… but the truth is, my life right now is a whole string of emo events, can’t wait till semester break is here and I can finally heave a sigh of relief…haix...so sorry, another emo entry...

For starters, October is ruined:

Zoom in closer......

I know it's not that clear, but I hope you get the picture (of what I'm trying to convey) -test, assignment, assignment, assignment - right till the end of 1st semester, as if 1st semester have not been bad enough......

(sigh~)…totally, utterly, completely RUINED!! So much for weekends and sleeping at least 6 hours per day; hello sleepless nights of trying to finish assignments, and preparing tutorials, which would not have been so bad if it was not because of Datin… I’m supposed to be doing 20 credit hours per week but it feels like I only have 20 hours per week doing stuff NOT related to my studies. I spent about 6-7 hours per night trying to finish up tutorials (thanks to Datin), it’s the Raya holidays now and I still need to study and do research till 3 or 4 am, got thousand and one things to do and feels like I can't finish - I've a debate to prepare for for English class next week, we promise Dr. Yong that we'll know our equity inside out and outside in, admin law test next friday, 6 tutorials to prepare for and on top of all, 3 assignments…(sigh) Just when you think the weekend is here and you can rest, Sunday is here and the whole process starts again; I might not even be able to go back next May-June because I most likely would be taking up a special semester to try to finish up my credit hours so I don’t SUFFER during the normal semester (pause, pant, pant) …I think I’m getter fatter because I’ve been eating a lot to de-stress and I have no time to do proper exercise, but ironically I’m starting to develop minor gastric problems due to too many late and all night episodes; I’m starting to react less to caffeine………

Tell me, how can you NOT get depressed???

I keep telling myself that life would get better, I just have to get through second year… but thoughts of what –ifs and changing course keep coming back to me…then again, I know myself too well, I will never take any practical action…(sigh), just gotta push myself through another 2 and a half years of law school… Should have just chosen something easier, then probably I would live longer…geez…

Anyway, I’ll end my entry on a happier and more positive note, that i really thank God for helping me to pull through until this point and I know that He'll pull me through this hell of a year and that I’m having cake from pasar malam tonight to help me through another late night, until next time~

09/09/09

I feel so bad now I feel like just giving up, or alternatively, can someone feed me with loads of ice cream??

Things that are going through my head

1. A dull pain in the left hemisphere of my brain which can’t seem to be get rid of by sleeping… dang it!!

2. Ways to make myself start studying for my Family Law test

3. How the long weekend has come to an end and I haven’t done one single bit of studying at all…haix~

4. How to get out from attending CC meeting later

5. Wishing that it’s still holiday now and will the real holiday please come faster???? Grrrr…..

I'm Mediocre After All...

"A lot of students come to me and tell me: What happened to me? I used to be the star student of my school, now I'm just mediocre, what happened to me?"

"You have to stop competing with each other. Your life is not just about grades; university is a place where you're supposed to build yourself up."

"Everyday you wake up, and from your room (where ever it is: in college, or in SS 17 or somewhere else), you come to school, then go to the library, then go back to your room. Everyday it's the same, everything becomes so routine - you're living a black life."

"From now to the end of March (exam usually starts in April), you have 9 months. Averagely you have about 45 days to master each subject (we have 6)."

Tell me, how does one discard competitiveness? It's not something that you can switch on and off.
It's tiring, I'm tired. Whoever said university was enjoyable clearly didn't take this course.

Btw, I didn't say any of the above, it's just taken from random conversations/lectures.

Random post

I'm lying on my bed now, blogging while Switchfoot is playing over and over again...
In about 24 more hours, I wouldn't be here, not for another 5 months...
I still have a thousand million things to pack, but I really don't know where to start...
And why did no one tell me that a fringe was so hard to maintain? Now I'll have to take a dumb bimbo comb (and probably scissors) around....

Btw, do check out my playlist if you have time, I'm so thrilled that I've finally figured out how to post it on my page (yeah, you more IT-able(d) people go ahead and laugh out loud), but I did it alone, without asking help from someone, so I'm pretty pleased with myself....:p
Anyway, the songs are all by Switchfoot, Jon Foreman really writes good songs.. one of them, I think the second track "This is Home" is used in the Narnia movie, and my favourite is no.?? ( I don't know, forgotten), "You", it's got touching lyrics...XD

"God, can You give me one good reason not to quit?"

I didn't write this, but thought I'd like to share it...

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes."

He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never, Never, Never Give up. For the Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.

Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Your Little Whacked World

Yeong Sheng is right..... you do live in a whacked world of your own.... sometimes it's not like I don't want to try to understand, but it becomes so hard when you're trying to make us all fit into your little whacked world... but the funny thing is, I will still end up conforming to whatever whacked thing it is that you want me to do....sometimes I think you protect me just a tad too much (not that I'm entirely ungrateful), and trust me too little, and sometimes (well sometimes) I think you're responsible for killing off whatever interest I have in the outside world, as well as trying to make me do stuff according to your principles (some are good I know, but the others are just whacked), which in turn is slowly destroying whatever principles I have tried to built up while not under your cover; trying to make me into your "perfect girl", which I'm not and never will be....

I know that after a while, I will forget this and think that I'm so silly to say these things about you, I do love you after all (at least I think I do, if not I wouldn't be trying to please you)... I guess I'm just trying to vent this somewhere, but no-point trying to tell you, you live in a whacked world of your own, I'll just be told to "shut up", but of course you don't say it that way... you just say it in a way that I know it's my cue to stop talking...and that I shouldn't have said anything in the first place, and I should have nod and agree and admit that I'm the one wrong (and I'm always wrong, for some reason....)

At the end of the day, maybe you're right (well, sometimes not), but I guess I live in my own whacked world too and I have no right to pass judgment on you.... after all, I'm the one who is deemed as the one who has the problem...

Oh well, I just hope someday you'll know and just accept me for who I really am, flaws and all....

I'm Getting Olde.......

Yes...I'm getting OLD...read the title again....

I mean, I used to have a better memory, I used to remember things easier and I certainly used to enjoy certain animated movies......okie, the last one wasn't that convincing but the point is I'M GETTING OL-DE.......

5 minutes ago I was checking up on my facebook account, there was a friend request... and I took 15 seconds to try to remember who she was (and I knew her, not those freaking anonymous people who you think you might or might not know), and this is not the first time this happened...crap.... this kind of things just don't slip your mind.....!!! I'M GETTING OL-DE!!!! I'm telling you: I really am losing my memory........

Fine, I'm being a bit dramatic....but I gotta inject some drama into my dead boring life now....but that's my fault too, coz I've been lazing around doing pretty much nothing (constructive)....=p

Btw, I'm even too lazy to upload my Mt. Kinabalu photos...not that I have anything else to do....I'm just...lazy.....:) *cheers*

Malacca Trip

Aha!!! So I'd said I will upload photos of my trips... normally I would be too lazy, but since I'm not going out temporarily, the reason being I have a TERRIBLE complexion now....ugh.... (*not thinking about it*....ugh...pisses me off...ugh) Right.... so I've tried to arrange the photos in sequence from the first place I visited to the last, there are of course other photos taken in between but I'd just uploaded the important ones so u get the gist of it....*lazy...lazy....* heheh XD

First place we visited was Malaysia's biggest ferris wheel - Eye on Malaysia.... pretty, ain't it?

Yikes..I look hideous in this photo, but just thought I showed you how it was like in the little cabin... XD

Next day, first thing in the morning, we went for a morning walk at a place called Tun Fatimah Stadium and then we climbed St. John's hill (which was just a slope btw...haha) and at the top there was this fort complete with canons

Next is the famous Jonker Street, just that we made the unusual "day trip" (people usually go at night, where the atmosphere is much more 热闹）...Ah~ anyway, I just wanted to see the place..

Somewhere on Jonker Street.... we were told that the main difference between the daytime street and the nighttime street is that the shops put up stalls at night like pasar malam, other than that they sell the same things....

Then, we crossed this bridge, which I *think* is the Malacca River.... it was all built up and really pretty along the banks...

Erm...I don't know what is this actually... I mean I know it is a windmill (albeit a fake one), but I do not know it's significance in this scene... probably just tourist attraction....

Then across the street from the fake windmill we have the Red House thing.... which I dunno what's it's proper name... bler...:p... you get it... the Red House thingy...lol

The pretty (gosh, I have to STOP using this word, I sound like a little girl) fountain....

Taken at the entrance of the Red House....

We were going to visit the Tombs and the A Famosa Fortress....

This picture was meant to look like we were all having a good time, sitting on the grass, enjoying the "cool weather", not unlike one of those photos you can find in overseas universities' prospectuses....haha...but I guess the umbrella gave us away... it was freaking HOT....

This is better...in the shade....

I like this photo...view of the old church....

The walls of the old church....

Those stone tablets on the side walls are tomb stones.... they are really pretty....

At the back of the church was this coffin/cage thing....

Taken at one of the huge church windows.....

Me, with the tomb stones.....

After that, we descended the hill, and if you can see below, it's the A Famaso Fortress....

There is it..... Kota A Famosa....

Next, we went to take a ride in the Manara Taming Sari, which is a tower which goes to the top spins around a few rounds (slowly lar.....), so tourists can see the view...

This was taking from the top of the tower... this is Dataran Pahlawan.... I *think* (see, I'm losing my memory....) it's the shopping mall we hung out at for the air-con after the hot, hot weather.... XD

After that, we visited this place where there were all these models of trains and aeroplanes... forgot what else was there.... this was before we head off to eat Satay Celup...

Now for food.....

Cendol....but I still think Penang's cendol is nicer....XP

Chicken rice ball.... actually it's just the rice ball that's special.....haha

We also went to eat cake at this shop (which name I have forgotten) where they make cakes that have A LOT of layers... I would probably have enjoyed it a lot more if I knew how to appreciate cheese...apparently you can only find it in Malacca, it made me think of Veda Blu in Sabah, probably it's a local thing????

Ah~...okie...that's it for Malacca, we only hung out in the town area, and I didnt even go to the Portuguese Settlement... but really want to thank my seniors (who were local Malaccans) who brought us around.... maybe someday I will go back to visit the outskirts.... =)

My Hols...

Hey people...quite some time since my last blog.. anyway, holidays started and I'm currently back in KK...just came back from climbing Mount Kinabalu, which was such a disappointment because we didn't get to climb to the summit because it was tooooooo windy.... strong enough to blow me away...haha...but Mount Kinabalu was magnificent, huge and intimidating, but looks like I've gotta go another time to conquer this mountain....who wants to go with me next time?? XD

Before I came back to KK, I had a 2 day trip to Malacca... really liked it - historical sites are my favourite; besides that, we also went to Eye on Malaysia (which is this huge ferris wheel), Jonker street, and ate a lot of food... haha....anyway, I'll try to upload some photos next time (provided I'm not too lazy...XD)

Anyway, some of my results are out... B+ for tort and contract... looks like I'm just the average B+ student.... oh well, I don't want to be upset about stuff like that, I've done my best... B+ ain't that bad right??? haha

Okay, I'll try to update some photos from my trip to Malacca and Mt. Kinabalu next time...

Yay.....Finished First Year....

Yay...just thought I'll share...

I'VE FINALLY FINISHED FIRST YEAR OF LAW SCHOOL!!!!

Yesterday was last day of my exam, I don't think I did too well, Malaysian Legal System (haix~).... justing hoping to get a B so my pointer don't drop below 3.0 .... anyway, the point is that I'm officially done with first year!!!! YAY!!! Kinda hard to believe that time really flies... haha.... was so tired yesterday I slept at 9:45pm and got up at 11 am today.... about 13 hours!! but I needed it, the night before I only slept for about over an hour....

Anyways, my plans for the one week before I go back to KK: pack, roommate outing, pack, mayb do a bit shopping, go watch movie, pack, mayb going to Malacca, pack.... haha...see you folks around... XD

Something to share...

I was just checking my email, and I came across this... and it's just so touching... so I picked a few of my favourites to share with you guys.....

I promise I won't ever, ever give up.....

I like this, because this is so ironic, and true.... It makes the young girl just look plain dumb and annoying.....

This is my favourite.... for some reason....

After seeing these pictures, I think I'm pathetic for thinking my life is hard....haha

Two more papers to go...... I can do it and I'll try not to complain....=)

What Should I Do???

I'm sick of studying... Tell me, is it wise to just flunk the exams?? I promise I won't fail... I'll probably just end up with a bad pointer.... does it really matter????? But I think about the ppl expecting me to perform back home...(sigh~) do I really have to force myself????? I'm tired, tired having to push myself to be competitive... seriously, will it be OK if I was just content with getting a B or B-? I don't know, I'm scared I will regret my present contentment in the futur, just because I want to be happy now ....haix~

I've been having bizarre ideas about changing course, taking up something like Philosophy or Psychology ..... is there even such courses in UM??? hmmm.... they are probably just as taxing as Law, and it's not like I hate Law, I just hate exams, and there's so much to memorize....who created this dumb stupid course-assessment method??? (sigh~ x100000000000000000000) why can't everything be continious assessment?

I can't get a single thing of this dumb titas (Tamadun Islam dan Tamadun Asia) into my head and I don't think I can remember anything I've studied for Contracts for the past 5 days....

Can't wait till all of this is over....2 more weeks....I can do it...............right????

What "Busy" actually means...

Once again, read this during devotion yesterday.... I've studied Chinese for so long, to think I've never paid attention....-.-

忙 = 心 + 亡

Means that being "busy", you are actually killing your heart.... how appropriate...gonna rest more from this day on...=)

Another Random thing....

Read this last night, and I really like it...

"I will not reveal your mysteries to your enemies, neither like Judas will I betray you with a kiss, but like the thief on the cross I will confess you: 'Remember me, Lord, when You come into Your Kingdom."

Then i looked up the Bible to see what the thieft actually said, Luke 24:40-43.
"Don't you fear God, since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."

Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

16/25

16/25...what a lousy mark...nvm...i knew it was coming...having an ice-cream now...

It's alright, I can handle it...I'm a big girl now, and big girls don't cry....:)

Random thoughts...

1. How to answer Tort questions.
2. The lyrics of The Journey - 911.
3. The song The Day We Find Love - 911.
4. I haven't start revising Contracts.
5. This week is the last week of lectures in First Year.
6. Who is our new Law Society president.
7. I want to play badminton, badly.
8. Why is the internet so S-L-O-W .....
9. I am really hungry now.
10. I don't think I have enough time to revise everything.
11. Tomorrow I have class at 10am, it's 2:33 am now.
12. Tomorrow I must see Prof. Norchaya about the exam thing.
13. I wish exams were abolished.
14. Why is my MSN Messenger not functioning properly.
15. I must read vicarious liability and remedies before I sleep.
16. Why am I wasting my time typing this then?
17. I am REALLY REALLY very hungry now.
17. I really have to stop now
18. Bye~

A Tiny Update...

The fact that I had 2 ice-creams yesterday should tell you how very *happy* I have been lately.

It's nothing really - I just need to torture myself for another 5 weeks. great. JUST GREAT.

Can't Sleep...

Let's see, it's 7:13 am right now, and I have been trying to sleep for the past 4 hours or so,but in vain...Later going to Midvalley with my friends, then later today we have MPA 2 - Majlis Penganugerahan ASTAR Fasa 2. It's going to be held at a 4/5 star hotel which name I can't even bother to remember and everyone dresses up nicely...something like prom, but I'm just going for the food since they already deducted the money from our fees...XD

Dunno how I'm gonna survive thru the day... gonna be freaking tired tonight, and I still need to do tutorials and study for MLS test on Wednesday.... luckily Monday is a holiday.....:)

And I can't believe that we are left with just Lee Chong Wei in the semi finals of the All England... :(

I Need To......

I Need To:

1. Read 2 more tort cases which is 37 and 45 pages respectively for Monday's tutorial;

2. Finish tort presentation which is on next Tuesday - gotta get up early tomorrow at 7:30am for our discussion at 8am -??? i really don't know;

3. Finish Titas project, still waiting for final group meeting to get everything concluded;

4. Start doing Contract assignment, group work again, which we have less than a month to finish ...@.@;

5. Start doing the APK Hari keusahawanan thing - which I have no idea how to start doing, luckily it's group work again;

6. Study for my Malaysia Legal System test which constitutes 25% of our final marks, and I have a very strict lecturer with very high standards who owns a very good reputation for liking to fail people;

7. Study for finals which is about 55 days away....

In addition to that, I have to:

Stop feeding myself (with junk food) XD;

that's why I have decided to

fast on chocolate for Lent season

Right now, all I want to do is:

GO TO SLEEP

have had not enough sleep for three freaking straight nights, make it four - tonight will be another one of those nights

Alternatively,

I would like to stay online to chat with friends, which I was unable to do in the past week or so bcoz of some technical difficulties +.+'''

In conclusion,

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Did i scream already? let me scream again

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tonight - I Won...but My Team Lost...

Hmm...how to start le????

Okie, let me start by saying that I represent my residential college/hostel (here after referred to as college) to play badminton for the SUKUM (Sukan Universiti Malaya)...

Tonight, we had a match, and my team lost 2-1, although I won my match.... such a pity... tomorrow we have another match, but I think we will most likely lose also since the other team is very strong... so to conclude, this tournament is a failure... I'm actually not that sad over losing,because this is only a small part of a bigger picture, and I'm more concerned with the bigger picture...

Well, so what is the bigger picture? I'd actually put high hopes in this SUKUM thing so that I can apply to stay back in college in the next acadmic year... but since we lost, the 分量 of this activity seems to have diminish greatly... I mean, would college still want to keep u when u've lost? (which equals you didn't contribute anything to college....sigh~)

The other way that we can contribute is through joining college projects, where you get chosen (after interview) to become part of the organizing committee of a project. And so far I've only joined one project....while my other coursemates joined 6, 9 even 10 projects... WOW ... I have no idea how they find the time.... Actually, sports weigh A LOT in our college (compared to projects), that's why I was banking on it... but I'm not sure whether it will still weigh that much when you didn't win... (sigh~)

So what am I actually worrying about? Well, the truth is I'm not sure whether 1 project + representing college in SUKUM without winning anything = can stay back in college in 2nd year... as I've already explained the amount of projects my coursemates are joining to stay back.... u might be asking what's so good about staying in college? I can only say it's cheaper, more convenient and IT'S JUST NEXT TO MY FACULTY...... other than that, I would have preferred to move out, but between having no transport to come to school (if I move out) and being not very familiar with the area around, I think it's better if I can manage to stay back, at least for 2nd year...

However, in the midst of worrying about the future, there's a voice that keeps popping out inside my head, saying that I shouldn't worry, because God will provide me with what I need... He provided food for birds in the air, who does not store food for themselves; and dressed the lilies of the fields, that even Solomon in all his splendor wasn't dressed like one of them. So if God can provide for the grass in fields, which is here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, I am ABSOLUTELY SURE that God will provide me with a good, convenient place to stay for the next few years while I'm here... I just need to have faith, continue praying and trust that He has His own plan (even if I really end up not being able to stay back in college)....:)

Old Songs...

Hah...I'm supposed to be studying tort right now, but look at what I end up doing...haha...

After reading Abby's post on A Walk to Remember, I suddenly had the urge to listen to the movie's soundstracks.... so I downloaded it, actually only 3 of the more famous songs: (1) Cry - Mandy Moore; (2) Only Hope - Mandy Moore; and (3) Someday We'll Know - Mandy Moore & Jonathan Foreman....

Maybe because I'm older now, when I listen to these songs now, I notice that the lyrics really have a deeper spiritual meaning (at least to me), especially "Only Hope" and "Someday We'll Know"....

This is my favourite part:

There's a song inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

After listening and reading it, I felt so touched ... Reminds me that I'm weak... that by my own human strength, I've tried and tried many times to do things my own way,and failed... but then God was and is always there and He never gave me up (even when I was far away from Him), in the infinite cold, when my dreams were far, He sung to me over and over and over again the plans He had for me.....
So Abby when u listen to the songs (after you've watch the movie), and whoever else who reads the lyrics, I hope you can feel the spiritual meaning too... haha....

Random Post...

School started again after the CNY holidays/mid sem break...Sadly, I had to begin the second half of second sem with sore throat and fever...(sigh~) The brief facts are these: I woke up with a sore throat on Tuesday morning, felt sick throughout the day but decided I should just take panadol and rest more. So I didn't see a doctor. Next day, instead of getting better, I woke up with a VERY BAD sore throat and high fever...that was when I decided I had to see a doctor, and luckily I did, cause my temperature was a frikking 39 degree Celcius. Anyway, I am a lot better now. No more fever, just a lil sore throat but from out from no where I suddenly have cough and running nose...spoil all my study plans....GRRRrrrr....

But anyway, if you've noticed I haven't been posting any pictures lately... the simple reason is because I'm lazy (hahaha) and I don't really have any interesting pictures to post now....but if I don't then everything is just gonna be all words which equals to all boring...so I'm just posting some very random pictures, though I must warn you that they may not be in sequence and are totally insignificant...haha

First of all, really feel like eating apple pie (made by Abby's auntie...) with ice cream...have been eating porridge for the last 2 days...(sob) This picture was taken at my family's Christmas dinner...

My brother, aka banana boi...keke..taken in the car on the way back from Sandakan to KK during Chinese New Year...my father let my bro drive from Ranau to Telupid on the way to Sandakan and I was screaming (mostly instructions, I'm such a good backseat driver XD) all the way (almost all lar)

Back in KK, went to New York New York in 1 Borneo with a few of my church friends.... We didn't eat the giant huge Yankee burger, but I did get a glimpse of the legendary burger from the table next to us....haha

Picture taken by my brother...This is Perdy, his favourite dog (with his ugly feet and also a paw of my other dog, Puppy at the sides of the pic - I'm sure you can see it but I like to point it out anyway... XD haha) It's supposed to look like the famous big head dog, so does it? Hmm...but I think it's pretty cute anyway...

Another random picture, went to Midvally the other day and was on my way back to Uni. Was waiting at University Station for the Rapid KL bus and it was raining, so took a random pic to ease off the boring-ness...

Ha....well, that's all...

And the Nightmare Begins....

Hey guys...finally back in KL after spending bout 1 week in KK and Sandakan for CNY...hehe...

(sigh~) Everytime I go back to KK, there's always this feeling of - regret? The stuff in my room always reminds me of my childhood dream, and how I haven't achieve it yet... feel like throwing the stuff away, but in the end I still tidak sampai hati... though I would say everytime I go back it gets a tad more easier to accept. Everytime I think of that I'll suddenly have the urge to study really really hard and get a first class honours to compensate for that disappointment...haha... I even told my bro that I want to spend 12 hours per day in the library (haha)... but we all know that firstly, getting a first class in UM's law school is almost impossible (it only happened once in 10 years, I think) and secondly, it's a total different story when I'm back in KL. 12 hours? haha...I'll be lucky if I can spend 1 hour studying NOT for the sake of tutorials...

But still, doesn't change the fact that I NEED to study hard this remaining of the semester - no more fooling around, no more relaxing unnecessarily and doing other what nots....

I just want to be outstanding in my own way. My sis says I'm too low profile - whether it's in church or in the faculty. That got me thinking. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I want to be outstanding in my own way and in my own time. I don't have to purposely join stuff to make myself outstanding, I just want to be ME.

Random Post.... 10.9...

So, my first random post...more like just feel like getting some feedback/medical advice on this..haha

Anyway, yesterday my college had a Blood Danation Campaign, and I was all excited to donate blood once again.... but unfortunately, they rejected my blood because my HB was a frikking 10.9 (whatever the unit is)... the doctor (more like lab assistant) dripped my blood into a jar of blue liquid and my blood floated for like 5 or 6 seconds before sinking slowly down... the guy-before-me's blood sunk straight down...then she took more blood from me and put it into a machine thing and after a while I saw her wrote on my paper 10.9....

So is 10.9 low for a normal healthy female? it's not like I'm having my period or whatever... it's been over like for more than a week already... and the last time I donated blood (in September 2008) I passed the test...hmmm...plus the last time I did a HB test (was a long time ago lar, probably 1 or 2 years ago) it was 13, and I did it because my mum thought I looked very pale (anemic pale).. and I dont think I look anymore paler now than I did back then.... so what's the problem? Does having not enough sleep lower ur HB level? I think I slept an average of 5 hours the past week, but still I don't think that's too bad, I've had worse...but that's the only thing that I can think of... or has it something to do with my diet? but I have been eating the same college food since July and I was ok in September...so I really dont get it....

Para doctors and doctors-to-be and also anyone who has sufficient knowledge in biology, any comments?? How do I get rid of it? I dont want a 10.9 in my system, if I have not enough oxygen then my brain will slow down, we can't have that now can we??haha...XD

But I'm going back to KK next Friday, so perhaps I can eat more healty food??? haha...XD

K, that's all.. Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Genuine Interested VS Trying to Prove That You Are Smart

So long didn't blog, and I really want to blog about going to see the Badminton Super Series Masters Finals although it's stale news and happened so long ago :p... it was the BEST. DAY. EVER.....period..... so look out for that...haha

However, my semester just started and everything is in such a blur rush right now... had an assignment due on 31st December - luckily over and done with; have another one due this Fri (9 Jan) - not finished yet (going to burn midnight oil on Thursday).In addition to all those assignments, I still need to prepare for tutorials, which are freaking stressful coz u kinda need to compete and fight for the chance to talk... tutorials account for 10% of our finals. And you can't just talk, you need to know what are you talking about...

Had a 2 hour tort tutorial session today. So freaking tired because last night was up till bout 3am trying to prepare for it. This morning I was so very reluctant to get out of bed, started to wander whether I can pull myself thru the day...Not sure whether it was a blessing or not (prefer to think of it as a blessing though), after my first lecture today, I accidentally (you know me not being fully awake and all) left my pencil case in the lecture hall, and I was so worried I won't find it back (the pencil case was with me since form 2, got 2 pendrives inside and my mechanical pencil that has followed me since Primary 3) that I was literally scared (verb not adjective) till I was awake (bei xia dao xing - since I reformatted my com, language bar disappeared, someone plz tell me how to get it back, I want to type my Chinese)....but luckily I found it back (I mean my pencil case), nothing missing...<3

So after that my brain was ticking, not sleepy anymore....but tutorial class....hmmm.... dunno whether it was a disaster or not....started off alright, then I was attempting to answer this question and I got stuck in the middle of my answer, forgot what I was saying and literally asked my lecturer a STUPID question...after that, I felt so stupid....so embarrassing...dunno how to face my lecturer again...although I know she doesn't mind...

If you remember in one of my previous posts, I said I actually enjoyed my tort tutorials, and I still do, Prof Nor is a really good tutor and she brings in all these interesting topics to discuss about... after today, I suddenly had a revelation: sometimes the problem with me is that I try too hard, to a point where it's not about trying to deepen my understanding anymore, but I'm just trying to prove that I'm smart; instead of letting my own curiousity lead me on - that is what probably happened today. Sometimes I wonder whether I am that interested in law, or am I just interested to prove that I am smart? If it's the latter, then basically I can study anything, it doesn't matter so long as I'm good at it... that is so freaking SHALLOW ... and I'm not shallow (at least I don't mean to be)...but I suppose that goes in line with the kiasu spirit that I've been brought up in all my life, although I' trying real hard to change that into a more positive and healthy kiasu-ness... and it doesn't help when u're told (very often) that u're (kinda) smart since you were young... somehow it makes you assume you are smarter than most ppl and when you're with so many other smart ppl, it kinda makes you feel you've lost ur special-ness....

I really need a change, mayb that should be my new year resolution: stop trying to prove that I'm smart, but try to be genuinely interested in what I learn. I don't need to be smart to be special, I'M ALREADY SPECIAL THE WAY GOD MADE ME. I SO believe I will benefit more from doing the latter, and I would probably perform better naturally... and it's not like I'm not genuinely interested, just that sometimes I let myself be distracted by other motives....

A lesson well learnt... a good way (although my ego was hurt and I felt really bad) to kick start the semester... Will really try to remember this throughout my learning process(es) (they say you learn as long as you live), so I've gotta keep this in mind. The embarrassment was probably God's way of telling me I'm getting all my motives wrong....so you who are reading this: take heed and do not repeat my mistake!

Have a blessed day!!!