为什么～～～？？

为什么会这样？？？为什么每次都会这么不顺利啊？？越是有计划，就越是不顺利。。。是不是对自己的计划太有自信，所以要惩罚我啊？？

haix~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shopaholic vs Regret

I begin this entry by saying that I've been doing a lot of shopping (and window-shopping) lately. It is from these few visits to the malls that I noticed that I've developed some symtoms of being a shopaholic, thankfully I don't go for the branded stuff. 

Anyway, I've noticed that I really, really, really cannot resist buying stuff that I've set my eyes on, like I've lost my rational thinking. Now when I go out I've got to constantly remind myself about that question that shopaholics ask themselves (well, at least they do in "Confessions of a Shopaholic") - Do I really need these?

Ha! Well, let me tell you, true to what happened to Rebecca Bloomwood, it doesn't really work. Most of the time the answer is "Yes, I do", "I've got that occasion I can wear it to", "it really goes well with that skirt I bought the other day and I've got nothing to go with that skirt", "I should get more varieties, so I can mix and match"....only once or twice will the answer be "No, I'm a strong woman and I do not need those, it is unnecessary and I have no occasion to wear it to"(kinda long excuse, no?), and I will reluctantly put it back on the shelf and think about it for the next few days and everytime I pass by the shop to see whether anyone bought it already. Most of the time the real reason is because I'm out of cash and I don't want to get anymore out. haha...well, at least I have the self-control to fight the urge to get more money from my bank account!!

On the other hand, there's this quote I read by Allie Spencer, in one of the five interesting things about her listed by Little Black Dress in her novel, Tug of Love (and I would like to quote):
"The first rule of life is:if you love it - buy it. I'm still thinking about the orange silk fifties cocktail dress I saw in a vintage shop ten years ago ... sigh."

Cool eh? Compeletely sums it up... so, shopaholic or regret?? 
My twisted version of explaination: I think I will go for controlled shopaholic....life's too short to have too many regrets, and I've had enough of them. =) haha

Revelations for Today

1. I found out that the story circulating the internet about how Albert Einstein humiliates the Atheist professor (using the "evil is the absence of God" argument) is in fact FAKE. It was just a story, Einstein never did such a thing. He wasn't even a Christian, although he did acknowledge that there was a God and had the utmost respect for Jesus Christ as a historical figure. I, in fact like and support the argument used in the story but really wish that the people who create these stories don't just put random geniuses' names in the story to make it credible. When people find out that they're not true it just makes it hypocritical, and they will most likely overlook the whole point of the story because of that lie.

2. A man who is eating or lying with his wife or preparing to go to sleep in humility, thankfulness and temperence, is, by Christian standards, in an infinitely higher state than one who is listening to Bach or reading Plato in a state of pride.
~ C.S. Lewis

Lessons at the Faculty of Law

I might be overreacting and I'm being judgmental. Oh yeah, I might also think myself better than others.

I can't believe I'm so mad over this.

You know, the seniors are right, lecturers are never as sincere as they seem.

The basis for my allegation might be flawed, yet if you were in my position, surely this would be the irressistable conclusion.
What sort of lecturer makes it compulsory to put our names on our assignments??
Double-faced, hypocritical,deceptive....
Independence, impartiality and the rule of law?? my foot...(rolls eyes)
(sorry, had to get it out...I might find out that I'm wrong about the whole thing in the future, but it doesn't change the way I feel about it now)

Study Week

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH............................

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH...............

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..........


nothing...just can't concentrate..

Sheer boredom...

I'm typing this entry out of sheer boredom, not because I have nothing better to do (I do, but I just have no mood to do it, and when I force myself to it, it's just not registering into my brain), but just because I'm bored out of my mind.

For one, I really feel like going out but:
1. I want to save money
2. Just had a vomitting fit Thursday midnight (Friday morning - whatever you like to call it) and don't think I'm fit enough to eat any of the food available at Midvalley except for porridge which I've already had yesterday.
3. I really, really, really do not want to be tempted to buy coffee which is bound to render me insomanic (is there such a word?) all night, and I really need to sleep on Saturday nights
4. It would be stupid to watch "Alice in Wonderland"- the 3D version alone and as it's a Saturday, I doubt there are any seats left...:p

Someone save my from myself.....

Random Quote

I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word she said;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me.

ROBERT BROWNING HAMILTON

Campus election

meh.... you should see the choas e-voting is causing on my campus... there are people freaking demonstrating and holding peace walks around campus and shouting stuff like "mansur e-voting" (or was it "bantah"... well, u get the point)

As a law student, we practically learn that e-voting sucks - because firstly, we don't trust the HEP, there's no tranparency in the whole system; secondly, the votes are supposed to be secret, but with e-voting, it is possible and easy to trace who voted for who - so much for secrecy; thirdly, with e-voting, u don't have physical evidence of your vote, after clicking "submit", your vote dissapears into freaking cyber space. Thus, u're unable to "recount" the votes if anything happens, and i mean this in the literal sense of the word.

Heh... I'm not participating in their protests but personally, I hope they do get rid of it next year.. XD

The Day Before...

Gosh. I always hate the day before I fly back to KL. It makes me feel so..so...what's the word... nostalgic? (sigh)

Maybe 5 weeks is a bit too long.
Because I have grown accustomed to the presence of my family, the comfort of home, the familiarity of my hometown, the stress-free environment....
Going back it's a180 degree difference...the psychological and emotional adjustments I will have to make....like I already know that the coming semester will just be unbearable....

Gosh. I hate this feeling. Maybe I shouldn't come back for such a long time next time. It just makes leaving harder.....

Random Things

1. Just turned 21
2. I'm back in KK until after Christmas
3. PURPLE rocks.XD
4. Coffee Bean - love the combination of chocolate and coffee.....
5. Helping out in Youth Camp have kinda set my biological clock straight again??? haha
6. Harvest Moon is the best game ever invented....muahahaha.....
7. Alchohol makes me sleepy... or maybe I was already tired in the first place...hmm...
8. Haven't started to do that assignment which I'm supposed to do, it's hidden at the most back of my closet (figuratively)
9. Going to Penang on Friday....lalala....

what else??? can't remember... will add when I remember

C+

And so she got a C+ for family law. Big deal.

Feelings? She's not really sure. A C+ is, after all not a lot of things. It's not the B- (at least) she was hoping for, neither is it the A- someone else got. Granted, she knew she made a sorta, kinda minor big mistake in the compulsary question. It's not a good grade to get when you're planning to keep your pointer above 3.0.

Then again, a C+ is also a lot of things. It's better than a C. It's a 2.3. And it is most definitely A PASS.

She passed. I passed. cheers? =D?

Red Light Alert: Emo Post....again....

Heh…just thought I’d blog, since it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything constructive, and whenever I write I’m sure to be emo-ing about something or other… but the truth is, my life right now is a whole string of emo events, can’t wait till semester break is here and I can finally heave a sigh of relief…haix...so sorry, another emo entry...

For starters, October is ruined:

Zoom in closer......

I know it's not that clear, but I hope you get the picture (of what I'm trying to convey) -test, assignment, assignment, assignment - right till the end of 1st semester, as if 1st semester have not been bad enough......

(sigh~)…totally, utterly, completely RUINED!! So much for weekends and sleeping at least 6 hours per day; hello sleepless nights of trying to finish assignments, and preparing tutorials, which would not have been so bad if it was not because of Datin… I’m supposed to be doing 20 credit hours per week but it feels like I only have 20 hours per week doing stuff NOT related to my studies. I spent about 6-7 hours per night trying to finish up tutorials (thanks to Datin), it’s the Raya holidays now and I still need to study and do research till 3 or 4 am, got thousand and one things to do and feels like I can't finish - I've a debate to prepare for for English class next week, we promise Dr. Yong that we'll know our equity inside out and outside in, admin law test next friday, 6 tutorials to prepare for and on top of all, 3 assignments…(sigh) Just when you think the weekend is here and you can rest, Sunday is here and the whole process starts again; I might not even be able to go back next May-June because I most likely would be taking up a special semester to try to finish up my credit hours so I don’t SUFFER during the normal semester (pause, pant, pant) …I think I’m getter fatter because I’ve been eating a lot to de-stress and I have no time to do proper exercise, but ironically I’m starting to develop minor gastric problems due to too many late and all night episodes; I’m starting to react less to caffeine………

Tell me, how can you NOT get depressed???

I keep telling myself that life would get better, I just have to get through second year… but thoughts of what –ifs and changing course keep coming back to me…then again, I know myself too well, I will never take any practical action…(sigh), just gotta push myself through another 2 and a half years of law school… Should have just chosen something easier, then probably I would live longer…geez…

Anyway, I’ll end my entry on a happier and more positive note, that i really thank God for helping me to pull through until this point and I know that He'll pull me through this hell of a year and that I’m having cake from pasar malam tonight to help me through another late night, until next time~

09/09/09

I feel so bad now I feel like just giving up, or alternatively, can someone feed me with loads of ice cream??

Things that are going through my head

1. A dull pain in the left hemisphere of my brain which can’t seem to be get rid of by sleeping… dang it!!

2. Ways to make myself start studying for my Family Law test

3. How the long weekend has come to an end and I haven’t done one single bit of studying at all…haix~

4. How to get out from attending CC meeting later

5. Wishing that it’s still holiday now and will the real holiday please come faster???? Grrrr…..

I'm Mediocre After All...

"A lot of students come to me and tell me: What happened to me? I used to be the star student of my school, now I'm just mediocre, what happened to me?"

"You have to stop competing with each other. Your life is not just about grades; university is a place where you're supposed to build yourself up."

"Everyday you wake up, and from your room (where ever it is: in college, or in SS 17 or somewhere else), you come to school, then go to the library, then go back to your room. Everyday it's the same, everything becomes so routine - you're living a black life."

"From now to the end of March (exam usually starts in April), you have 9 months. Averagely you have about 45 days to master each subject (we have 6)."

Tell me, how does one discard competitiveness? It's not something that you can switch on and off.
It's tiring, I'm tired. Whoever said university was enjoyable clearly didn't take this course.

Btw, I didn't say any of the above, it's just taken from random conversations/lectures.

Random post

I'm lying on my bed now, blogging while Switchfoot is playing over and over again...
In about 24 more hours, I wouldn't be here, not for another 5 months...
I still have a thousand million things to pack, but I really don't know where to start...
And why did no one tell me that a fringe was so hard to maintain? Now I'll have to take a dumb bimbo comb (and probably scissors) around....

Btw, do check out my playlist if you have time, I'm so thrilled that I've finally figured out how to post it on my page (yeah, you more IT-able(d) people go ahead and laugh out loud), but I did it alone, without asking help from someone, so I'm pretty pleased with myself....:p
Anyway, the songs are all by Switchfoot, Jon Foreman really writes good songs.. one of them, I think the second track "This is Home" is used in the Narnia movie, and my favourite is no.?? ( I don't know, forgotten), "You", it's got touching lyrics...XD

"God, can You give me one good reason not to quit?"

I didn't write this, but thought I'd like to share it...

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.

I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said.

"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes."

He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never, Never, Never Give up. For the Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.

Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Your Little Whacked World

Yeong Sheng is right..... you do live in a whacked world of your own.... sometimes it's not like I don't want to try to understand, but it becomes so hard when you're trying to make us all fit into your little whacked world... but the funny thing is, I will still end up conforming to whatever whacked thing it is that you want me to do....sometimes I think you protect me just a tad too much (not that I'm entirely ungrateful), and trust me too little, and sometimes (well sometimes) I think you're responsible for killing off whatever interest I have in the outside world, as well as trying to make me do stuff according to your principles (some are good I know, but the others are just whacked), which in turn is slowly destroying whatever principles I have tried to built up while not under your cover; trying to make me into your "perfect girl", which I'm not and never will be....

I know that after a while, I will forget this and think that I'm so silly to say these things about you, I do love you after all (at least I think I do, if not I wouldn't be trying to please you)... I guess I'm just trying to vent this somewhere, but no-point trying to tell you, you live in a whacked world of your own, I'll just be told to "shut up", but of course you don't say it that way... you just say it in a way that I know it's my cue to stop talking...and that I shouldn't have said anything in the first place, and I should have nod and agree and admit that I'm the one wrong (and I'm always wrong, for some reason....)

At the end of the day, maybe you're right (well, sometimes not), but I guess I live in my own whacked world too and I have no right to pass judgment on you.... after all, I'm the one who is deemed as the one who has the problem...

Oh well, I just hope someday you'll know and just accept me for who I really am, flaws and all....

I'm Getting Olde.......

Yes...I'm getting OLD...read the title again....

I mean, I used to have a better memory, I used to remember things easier and I certainly used to enjoy certain animated movies......okie, the last one wasn't that convincing but the point is I'M GETTING OL-DE.......

5 minutes ago I was checking up on my facebook account, there was a friend request... and I took 15 seconds to try to remember who she was (and I knew her, not those freaking anonymous people who you think you might or might not know), and this is not the first time this happened...crap.... this kind of things just don't slip your mind.....!!! I'M GETTING OL-DE!!!! I'm telling you: I really am losing my memory........

Fine, I'm being a bit dramatic....but I gotta inject some drama into my dead boring life now....but that's my fault too, coz I've been lazing around doing pretty much nothing (constructive)....=p

Btw, I'm even too lazy to upload my Mt. Kinabalu photos...not that I have anything else to do....I'm just...lazy.....:) *cheers*

Malacca Trip

Aha!!! So I'd said I will upload photos of my trips... normally I would be too lazy, but since I'm not going out temporarily, the reason being I have a TERRIBLE complexion now....ugh.... (*not thinking about it*....ugh...pisses me off...ugh) Right.... so I've tried to arrange the photos in sequence from the first place I visited to the last, there are of course other photos taken in between but I'd just uploaded the important ones so u get the gist of it....*lazy...lazy....* heheh XD

First place we visited was Malaysia's biggest ferris wheel - Eye on Malaysia.... pretty, ain't it?

Yikes..I look hideous in this photo, but just thought I showed you how it was like in the little cabin... XD

Next day, first thing in the morning, we went for a morning walk at a place called Tun Fatimah Stadium and then we climbed St. John's hill (which was just a slope btw...haha) and at the top there was this fort complete with canons

Next is the famous Jonker Street, just that we made the unusual "day trip" (people usually go at night, where the atmosphere is much more 热闹）...Ah~ anyway, I just wanted to see the place..

Somewhere on Jonker Street.... we were told that the main difference between the daytime street and the nighttime street is that the shops put up stalls at night like pasar malam, other than that they sell the same things....

Then, we crossed this bridge, which I *think* is the Malacca River.... it was all built up and really pretty along the banks...

Erm...I don't know what is this actually... I mean I know it is a windmill (albeit a fake one), but I do not know it's significance in this scene... probably just tourist attraction....

Then across the street from the fake windmill we have the Red House thing.... which I dunno what's it's proper name... bler...:p... you get it... the Red House thingy...lol

The pretty (gosh, I have to STOP using this word, I sound like a little girl) fountain....

Taken at the entrance of the Red House....

We were going to visit the Tombs and the A Famosa Fortress....

This picture was meant to look like we were all having a good time, sitting on the grass, enjoying the "cool weather", not unlike one of those photos you can find in overseas universities' prospectuses....haha...but I guess the umbrella gave us away... it was freaking HOT....

This is better...in the shade....

I like this photo...view of the old church....

The walls of the old church....

Those stone tablets on the side walls are tomb stones.... they are really pretty....

At the back of the church was this coffin/cage thing....

Taken at one of the huge church windows.....

Me, with the tomb stones.....

After that, we descended the hill, and if you can see below, it's the A Famaso Fortress....

There is it..... Kota A Famosa....

Next, we went to take a ride in the Manara Taming Sari, which is a tower which goes to the top spins around a few rounds (slowly lar.....), so tourists can see the view...

This was taking from the top of the tower... this is Dataran Pahlawan.... I *think* (see, I'm losing my memory....) it's the shopping mall we hung out at for the air-con after the hot, hot weather.... XD

After that, we visited this place where there were all these models of trains and aeroplanes... forgot what else was there.... this was before we head off to eat Satay Celup...

Now for food.....

Cendol....but I still think Penang's cendol is nicer....XP

Chicken rice ball.... actually it's just the rice ball that's special.....haha

We also went to eat cake at this shop (which name I have forgotten) where they make cakes that have A LOT of layers... I would probably have enjoyed it a lot more if I knew how to appreciate cheese...apparently you can only find it in Malacca, it made me think of Veda Blu in Sabah, probably it's a local thing????

Ah~...okie...that's it for Malacca, we only hung out in the town area, and I didnt even go to the Portuguese Settlement... but really want to thank my seniors (who were local Malaccans) who brought us around.... maybe someday I will go back to visit the outskirts.... =)